Should Have Kept Living The Fantasy

She sits and ponders over what she has to do realizing there is nothing to do. So comes to mind her past. She remembers when she had things to do and who she did them with. How she felt when she did them with whomever she was with. Happier times making her realize that those times are possible. Realizing without resolution. Demanding she find the gumption to live that life again. With or without someone to live it with. She thinks what if? What if after all the years she could find these people one at a time and go back to having those good times. Sure people grow older and their lives change. But who knew. What if they had come to the same point in their lives that she was at. What if they remembered the same things and wondered where the person was that they had such a good time was too. What if?
Days and days of these thoughts turned into years. A little investigating from time to time to see if these people were still around to even attempt reconnecting.
Remembering things that were said between the two of them. Remembering being told that she was the love of their life. And more years passing hoping she still was the love of their life. Holding on to all those thoughts and feelings for years and years.
In her mind she held on to that hope. Hope that there could always be one of those soulmate reunions. Just like the stories you hear about a couple who dated in grade school or had a crush on eachother and ended up in their elderly years getting together and remaining together till they died.
Who wouldn't want that? She did. She fantasized about it.
Till the day...
She connects with one more and the one she thought the most about and thought through his own words she was the love of his life back then obviously not anymore. She's let down in a roundabout way. He's kind as he aslways was.. a words not mentioned in many conversations of the past. Infact the memories were not the same. They matched up years ago.. But somethings changed and they don't match up now.
She has to realize she is not the love of his life and their lives will never be together again in that way. But she will always hold her memories the way she remembered them before in a peaceful sort of way. Admitting it's never to happen. And how nice it would have been if her curiousities would have just subsided so she could still enjoy what's kept her going for so many decades. Hope
She should have kept living the fantasy and left well enough alone..
Now she will close and recreate the future and quit dreaming of the past. The future is what matters. It's the only place to go from here. Another silver lining. She can move on, and let go.
It was nice while it lasted. She has closed many doors recently.. Only one more ... But from this past one, hopefully she's learned..
Live the fantasy.. Leave the past alone.. and live the future.. :)

Sweet Dreams

Wake up!
Sometimes dreams can be better then reality. Sometimes we prefer our dreams to be our reality. Then we wake up.. for the most part..unfortunately.
We can dream about our wishes. Our wishes on how if we had our own little perfect life how it would be.
The perfect place. The perfect mate. The perfect breathtaking life.
Have you ever had a dream that in your dream, it actually takes your breath away. It's been so long in real life that most of us have had that feeling. So to have it in our private sweet dreams, brings us the satisfaction that we need to have to make it through the real life that we have.
Sound complicated? I think not. I just happen to admit it. Where others would never admit it.
There are some nights I go to sleep asking God to let me have that sort of dream to give me peace for the next few days. Usually that wish is granted.
I get to dream about people I don't realize I know and those that I do know that mean something special to me.
Be it talking to my grandfather to being in the arms of someone from my past that brings me comfort, warmth, and most of all the feeling of feeling completely complete and safe.
I have found people through my dreams. I have solved issues through my dreams. I have seen the future in my dreams. I have learned to take heed.
For the most part in my older life my dreams are good and bring no warnings of ill fate only good wishes for them to be real.
I have made love in my dreams and awoken the next morning at peace. To feel who I think is my soulmate genuinely and purely and most of all passionately loving me. I have subliminal fantasies.. which isn't that dreaming in any sense?
I've had many dreams to where I have persued the answers to them, only to be disappointed. Seems that they are better left in my dreams.
I think that if it's in my dream it must be true to follow it and always be let down. I think it's just a way for my mind to get me to react and close chapters so I can move on.
My dreams keep me going. They give me goals. They motivate me.
So many things in life occur because of dreams. Most of the best ideas in the worlds history were started with a dream. If we didn't have them.. what would we have?
It's after 2 in the morning and it's time for me to head there and start one that will bring me peace. I seem to have gone through most of my past in my dreams and have come to some solid conclusions and it's time to dream about my future. I hope my dreams don't play games with me and give me false hope. I hope they don't show me what they think I want to see. But show me the good that really is to come. Show me who will be involved in my future. Show me only the good... I refuse the negative..
Ask and yea shall recieve? We shall see ;)
Sweet dreams..