Should Have Kept Living The Fantasy

She sits and ponders over what she has to do realizing there is nothing to do. So comes to mind her past. She remembers when she had things to do and who she did them with. How she felt when she did them with whomever she was with. Happier times making her realize that those times are possible. Realizing without resolution. Demanding she find the gumption to live that life again. With or without someone to live it with. She thinks what if? What if after all the years she could find these people one at a time and go back to having those good times. Sure people grow older and their lives change. But who knew. What if they had come to the same point in their lives that she was at. What if they remembered the same things and wondered where the person was that they had such a good time was too. What if?
Days and days of these thoughts turned into years. A little investigating from time to time to see if these people were still around to even attempt reconnecting.
Remembering things that were said between the two of them. Remembering being told that she was the love of their life. And more years passing hoping she still was the love of their life. Holding on to all those thoughts and feelings for years and years.
In her mind she held on to that hope. Hope that there could always be one of those soulmate reunions. Just like the stories you hear about a couple who dated in grade school or had a crush on eachother and ended up in their elderly years getting together and remaining together till they died.
Who wouldn't want that? She did. She fantasized about it.
Till the day...
She connects with one more and the one she thought the most about and thought through his own words she was the love of his life back then obviously not anymore. She's let down in a roundabout way. He's kind as he aslways was.. a words not mentioned in many conversations of the past. Infact the memories were not the same. They matched up years ago.. But somethings changed and they don't match up now.
She has to realize she is not the love of his life and their lives will never be together again in that way. But she will always hold her memories the way she remembered them before in a peaceful sort of way. Admitting it's never to happen. And how nice it would have been if her curiousities would have just subsided so she could still enjoy what's kept her going for so many decades. Hope
She should have kept living the fantasy and left well enough alone..
Now she will close and recreate the future and quit dreaming of the past. The future is what matters. It's the only place to go from here. Another silver lining. She can move on, and let go.
It was nice while it lasted. She has closed many doors recently.. Only one more ... But from this past one, hopefully she's learned..
Live the fantasy.. Leave the past alone.. and live the future.. :)

Sweet Dreams

Wake up!
Sometimes dreams can be better then reality. Sometimes we prefer our dreams to be our reality. Then we wake up.. for the most part..unfortunately.
We can dream about our wishes. Our wishes on how if we had our own little perfect life how it would be.
The perfect place. The perfect mate. The perfect breathtaking life.
Have you ever had a dream that in your dream, it actually takes your breath away. It's been so long in real life that most of us have had that feeling. So to have it in our private sweet dreams, brings us the satisfaction that we need to have to make it through the real life that we have.
Sound complicated? I think not. I just happen to admit it. Where others would never admit it.
There are some nights I go to sleep asking God to let me have that sort of dream to give me peace for the next few days. Usually that wish is granted.
I get to dream about people I don't realize I know and those that I do know that mean something special to me.
Be it talking to my grandfather to being in the arms of someone from my past that brings me comfort, warmth, and most of all the feeling of feeling completely complete and safe.
I have found people through my dreams. I have solved issues through my dreams. I have seen the future in my dreams. I have learned to take heed.
For the most part in my older life my dreams are good and bring no warnings of ill fate only good wishes for them to be real.
I have made love in my dreams and awoken the next morning at peace. To feel who I think is my soulmate genuinely and purely and most of all passionately loving me. I have subliminal fantasies.. which isn't that dreaming in any sense?
I've had many dreams to where I have persued the answers to them, only to be disappointed. Seems that they are better left in my dreams.
I think that if it's in my dream it must be true to follow it and always be let down. I think it's just a way for my mind to get me to react and close chapters so I can move on.
My dreams keep me going. They give me goals. They motivate me.
So many things in life occur because of dreams. Most of the best ideas in the worlds history were started with a dream. If we didn't have them.. what would we have?
It's after 2 in the morning and it's time for me to head there and start one that will bring me peace. I seem to have gone through most of my past in my dreams and have come to some solid conclusions and it's time to dream about my future. I hope my dreams don't play games with me and give me false hope. I hope they don't show me what they think I want to see. But show me the good that really is to come. Show me who will be involved in my future. Show me only the good... I refuse the negative..
Ask and yea shall recieve? We shall see ;)
Sweet dreams..

The Rich giving to the Poor

This morning I read a few posts on "Ellen Degeneres's" board. People asking for her to take care of wishes they had for the holidays. There were some that were heart warming and some that were just plain greedy. Rich people refusing to live like the rest of us. Rich people not understanding what it's like to live with the bare minimum. Rich people finally losing their homes and being forced to live like the rest of the population. It sickens me to see them ask for more, when there are tons of people that are so much worse off then them and have always been worse off then them. Do you get the idea that I basically do not like rich people? I haven't met a rich person I could trust. Throughout my life I was always told they got to be rich by being that way, Selfish! That's why I am not rich I guess. I refuse to be selfish to those that truely need it.
True in life I have been back stabbed for being generous with the meesly portions I have been handed. I won't really say handed. I should say, for what I have worked for. I think being poor makes you more generous. It humblises you.
I rack my brain sometimes when I see what they have that is so useless. Just a piece of property. But to them it's worth having over helping someone have a nice place to rest their head.
If every rich person sponsored a poor person, this place would be so much more warm.
One day I watched "The Housewives of New York" and watched one of the characters in this depression state that things were so bad that this year she only got a $16,000.00 purse for her birthday. OMG ok besides being pissed off. My brain started cha-chinging how many rents could be paid with that. I myself would've found so much more satisfaction by walking up to someones door and paying their rent for them so they could stay where they are and use what ever monies they do have to put food on their tables for their families. It's the "Pay It Forward" effect that I so strongly believe in.
I have been raised to learn that those that are rich on earth will be poor in heaven and vice versa. So in exchange for being poor here. I will be wealthy eternely. I prefer it that way. I may not be rich in monies. But I will be rich in heart. Which I prefer.
The only way they will be rich in heaven is if they are giving of what they have here on earth. Most give nothing. Or give to tax deductable organizations. But see there they are getting something back monetarilly. The majority cannot just give expecting nothing in return.
Me, if I get a free turkey I give it to a neighbor. Me, if I get more then I need I too give that to a random neighbor. Just out of the blue. Just to know I helped them save on a meal fills me with love.
I see more people who have lost everything help people who have more. But it's not very often I see the selfish reverse their actions and give unexpecting of anything in return. I never see them give without a hitch. Whether it be they recieve monies back or profit from what they have given to. They seldom give without high expectations of their generous acts they place infront of God in hopes their alteriative motives are not noticed.. Blinded by knowing God knows all...duh..
There, That's my Bitch for the day... well so far anyways.. It's early...
But the moral of this story.. Is just give!.. Give without expectation because the payback of just knowing you did something for someone... is priceless..
Ok where the hell is "spellcheck" on here?

Caylee Anthony

THEY FINALLY FOUND "CAYLEE ANTHONY"

They haven't officially said it yet. But today they found the remains of a young child just December 11th 2008, approximately 2000 ft away from the grandparents home. 15 homes away from where Casey Anthony lived. And in a duct taped trash bag.
A utility worker pulled over to the side of the road to relieve himself. (Thank God") and stumbled upon a trash bad and kicked it and a skull of this young child fell out. Now this is just the report as I am listening to it on "Nancy Grace" right now. On December 11, 2008.
I have followed this case from the get go. And have always felt in my heart as I am sure so many others felt the same that this girl (and I will say girl because her maturity level is that of a spoiled starving for attention child) but I felt that she killed her from the get go.
Nothing added up from all of the reports that were taken. I'm not the only one of course that felt this. Millions did.
This story made headlines since it first came out over 5 months ago. This girls reaction was selfish. And there was one statement that she made from the beginning that Caylee was close and safe. All the while meaning she knew where the body was and she was in heaven. Yeah where she could be safe away from her monster of a mother.
Even I saw through her and I'm one of those people that tend to take people at face value. Maybe getting older and wiser I can see in to people a bit more.

I don't live in the area. But had I, I would have been a volunteer on the searches. This story wrenched a lot of hearts around the U.S.
The media told us enough and kept us up to date on the happenings of this case so we could.

I am not one of those people that feel for the grandparents as far as they thought or put out there that they thought their daughter didn't do anything to their grand daughter. As much as they didn't want to believe it. As much as they wanted to believe their own daughter and raising her better then that. Reality is there is NO perfect parent. Once you have raised them to the best of your ability. They turn out to be whom-ever they want to be once they are dubbed an adult. And sure it may be a letdown. And sure you want to take blame or claim as to how you raised them. But it all boils down to they will be who they want to be in the end.

Now I do feel for them as grand parents. Missing their loving grandchild. Sure I empathize with them on that. But I hope they come to grips with the reality that their daughter is a selfish pathalogical liar. Wanting all the attention and effection from her parents to be on her. Not wanting to share their love with anyone. Cayleee came in to her life and to her became more important to her parents then she was. She was a grown up now and they gave all the childhood attention to Caylee and not her. Jealousy of sorts. She has the mind of a child herself. "If she can't have it no one will including her own daughter."

I also believe that Mark Anthony the grandfather being a retired official had his doubts but was convinced by his wife to support their daughter. Reassuring him that their own daughter wouldn't ever do this. That she couldn't have done this. That she's not a monster and until they find proof otherwise they need to support Casey. But I do believe he had his doubts. And so he should have.

When they showed the tapes of the visits in the jail with their daughter. He for the most part just sat back and let his wife do all the talking and listened. He knew deep in his heart she was lying.

How could a child be missing and posted all over the U.S. for so long and even out of fear someone knowing they would've been spotted eventually with this child they didn't drop her off somewhere so someone could find her. If someone had bought her not knowing that this was going to happen. Even they would've been aware of the search and done something to the fact of turning themselves in or like I said dropped her off somewhere as to avoid prossecution.

I knew from the beginning that she was dead.
I know without official notice that that has to be her found in that bag.
I pray they prosecute her to the fullest. I'm sure her daughter has questions for her when her mother arrives for her judgement day.

I will follow this story through the media till she is convicted and just wastes away in prison as she should, should they choose that venue for her.

Intro

Right now I am new at blogging. I have not made up my mind what I will concentrate on. But I usually have a lot to say. So for now till I find my venue. I will write about what ever flips my pickle on that particular day. Eventually I want to become a Pro-Blogger. My hobby has always been to write. When I was younger, creative writing was my outlet as a rebellious teenager. If it weren't for my English teacher understanding that I probably would have continued to be a lost soul of sorts. She encouraged me to write by setting a goal for me daily. Her goal was once I finished my class assignments I could go outside and sit under a tree and write. It worked. I was the first to finish my assignments frequently so I could go out. It worked wonders for my form of expressing myself. I only remember her first name "Jane" and I thank her for being a hippie. :) To this day I write all the time.
Ok on to blogging... woooooohoooooooo!!!